Lent!

Just trying to think here about Lent. Jesus. Devotion to God, and what that means lived out practically in my life. What it means inside of my heart. He is changing me despite my silly thought that I can do anything myself, with my attempts to get to Him- to be more "used" by Him. Meh. It's got to be a relationship of Love, or else its just a waste of time and effort. Love will sustain, because apparently love never fails. LOVE that love.

Turning my focus from myself lately has been nice. I have been trying to do more practical things for others, and it has left me desiring to give my money, time and talents to serve other people rather than for my own benefit. I sat at a mall this past weekend with Lanon and we just laughed, looking around at people. They were wonderful people, but we laughed realizing how much money, time and effort is placed into our appearances. Don't get me wrong- I like to look GOOD...but its hilarious if you think about it, the time spent to present yourself to the world. Or maybe its not funny to you. That's okay too. 

My roomate is amazing. Seriously, we just sit around and talk a lot of the time and its so refreshing to have her around. She is so positive. I learn so much from her, watching her be her creative self. Loving people. Desiring to do her best at work, in life. Surrendering her life to God. Its awesome. I am blessed to have her in my life. Shoutout to Liz Rivers.

Last Monday I was super sick, spent the night on Sunday up and shivering and nauseous. EW. How do you do it, first trimester mommies?! I am officially scared. For real. So, 3 day week of work last week. The kiddos have been super sick, and I am just trying my best to love on em and help them to get better. Poor lil guys. This past weekend was memorable. Cheerios Saturday. I'll just leave it at that. Hmm. (I just want to remember that;) I am excited for the new series at Elevation coming up called gray matter. About those questions in life that don't always have clear cut answers. Don't we all struggle with decision making?!

It is the first day of lent. I will be reading through a nice lil app on my phone called mosaic or something. It should be good. 

Kelly Pogue and Lauren visited me this past Monday, how FUN. Vapiano's, Dandelion Market and Trader Joe's. Love them, wish they could be around all of the time. Wonderful people, they are. 

Okay. Writing is not as hard as I anticipated. I just gotta keep it going. This is good for the soul, it is. :) 

I was sent home early from work because I currently have a fever. I will make this quick. 

I am going to be heading back to America this coming Spring! About 2 months now and my contract for work will be finished and I will be staying with a dear friend of mine, Manri for three weeks. Homestay! I will be back in NY just in time for Easter.

My feelings are mixed, but mostly trying not to get caught up in emotion. I am keeping my peace and enjoying the time I have left- without freaking out too much about the future. I consider the fact that by my worrying, nothing positive results and I STILL don't know the answers. 

Fun stories and pictures to share... but for now I need to lay down, my cheeks just got extra rosy. Where IS that thermometer....

Tomorrow our team is off for a little adventure with the Maki family to welcome Jay and Ashley Newhard-- our newest team members that joined us just a little over a month ago. It should be a fun time. We just came off a 3-day weekend and now a Thursday off...the life! :) I am doing well. I am thankful for the Japanese friends God has placed in my life and I sure have loved getting to spend more time with them especially this past summer. SO many good conversations about life, God, and the unknown! So thankful that I am here, and refreshed. I would say that recently I have felt REFRESHED, and for that I thank those of you who have been praying me through some tough stuff! Discouragement really gets me down and I sure hate hate hate it. It really makes me emotionally out of whack and I *WISH* I could say I am one of those people who are not run by my emotions, alas, not true. And so I count on the grace of my Lord ohhhh so much more to get me through this unstable life. GOD is stable. He never changes. So if my foundation is built on the rock....hmm....does that mean I too can be stable? I believe so! YES! Ok on with the words of someone who REALLY knew what they were writing. This next section hit straight to my heart in so many ways.

Couldn't we all use a little encouragement in life? Here is something I recently found in an old file on my old laptop. I hope something in it encourages you today. Love to you from the land of rice Japan! :)

Do you love your life, dear Christian? If you can honestly answer that you do, you may not need to read any further. Most of us, however, are generally dissatisfied with our lives, and I would like to suggest that this is because we are not living them as God wants us to. I have observed that most people have a great deal of trouble when it comes to three issues in particular, namely honesty, love, and faith, as indicated by the title of this work. I am of the opinion that Christians can, in fact, live in a manner that is both pleasing to God and extremely enjoyable, if they will but approach these areas from God’s perspective. Allow me to elaborate.

It is so hard to be completely honest with any human, for fear of judgement. To bare one’s soul before another is to trust that person completely, to have no fear at all that the person will think any less of you for having done so. That is why it is safe to be completely honest before God alone. Human beings, flawed as they are, will without fail hurt anyone who is so honest with them by neglecting to love them as they ought. Of course, marriage was designed by God to be a means by which a man and a woman can share this kind of perfectly intimate relationship, but we’ve screwed the whole thing up, as anyone can clearly see. That’s why so many marriages fall apart! The spouses learn more about their partners than they are able to deal with, and they consequently fail to love them unconditionally. The relationship fails. It all goes right back to Adam and Eve. Originally, they were naked before each other, and they were able to be completely open and honest with one another without any fear of judgement from the other. But then, after the two of them sinned, everything changed. They had to cover themselves, because they were ashamed before one another and before God. They didn’t want to reveal too much of themselves, for fear of judgement and rejection.

That is exactly why people have such trouble being honest with others! People know that human tendency is to judge those who are apparently inadequate as such, and as a result, people try as hard as they can to appear adequate, just so they will be accepted and loved. It is disheartening to see how gravely this whole mindset affects the general populace. No one is free to be himself; everyone wears a mask tailored to meet the expectations of their peers; many immerse themselves in self-righteous thoughts; and love ceases to be given unconditionally. It is a tragedy, the tragedy of sin. The fear of exposure so dominates some men that they go so far as to criticize others pathologically, in hopes that this will convince others of their own goodness. The result is, ultimately, a world in which every man fears judgement, few men are willing to be honest with themselves, and no man loves without reserve.

But think about God’s love for a moment. Think about all the times you’ve sinned against Him. He has made it clear that we ought to love Him with all of our being, unreservedly, and that we are to love one another just the same. Have we done this? Hardly. And if you think you have, you are sorely mistaken. It is nigh impossible for me to think of all the times that I have sinned against God, and I am certain that no one else is any different. What’s more, there is nothing we can hide from Him. He knows our every thought, and He is aware of every foul deed we would commit, were we given the chance. God is intimately familiar with the filthy, sinful nature of our souls, and yet He loves us unconditionally. It is important to note that God’s love for us is completely and entirely unrelated to our ability to obey Him or to do good of any kind. Were that the case, we’d be in big trouble, a fact that is not lost on anyone who is willing to be honest with himself concerning his own sinfulness. We are acceptable to God only because He has chosen to make us acceptable. When Jesus died for us on the cross, all the judgement that we ever deserved for our actions was dealt to Him in a single fatal stroke. That means, of course, that there’s none left for us. Simple as it sounds, this is incredibly significant. It means that we don’t have to fear any judgement from God! God looks upon us only with love, and not a hint of judgement. He loves us unconditionally, without reserve. Think of the implications of this kind of love! We don’t have to worry about making ourselves appear worthy before Him. After we do something we should not have done, we need not worry whether He still loves us or not. We can let go of all our self-righteousness and other such pretense, and just be ourselves. In short, we’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about. We are free to just be, and we can always be assured that our Father in heaven is watching over us.

The point is this. How was it that Jesus said we ought to love one another? Just as He has loved us. If you will but think about it, it makes perfect sense. I find it difficult to fathom how we humans can justify not loving one another. Of course, I understand how difficult it really is in practice, and I am guilty of it just like everyone else. But if we were to be honest with ourselves, we would realize that it only makes sense to love each other. After all, there is not one among us who is more deserving of love than any other. Am I wrong? Are we not all sinful? Of course we are. And yet, God has chosen to extend His love equally and unconditionally to each of us, without regard to the magnitude of anyone’s sin, or to what kind of good works they’ve done. How, then, can any human possibly justify treating any one person as though they are any less deserving of love than another? For us to do anything less than love every man unconditionally would be to imply that we are better able than God to determine who deserves love and who does not. And that is absolutely ridiculous. Therefore, we have no excuse but to love everyone unconditionally and without reserve.

I know from my own experience how difficult it can be to accept that God loves me despite my shortcomings. Of course, I have no choice but to believe it, since God has said Himself that this is the case, but I still find it difficult to behave as though I believe it. Then again, if I behave as though I don’t believe it, doesn’t that mean that I don’t really believe it? After all, faith without works is dead. The fact is, I often try to earn God’s favor, even though I know that His favor is unmerited. What is wrong with me? If I really believed with my whole heart that God loved me absolutely and unconditionally, would I not be the most contagiously joyful person alive? I think that I would. Quite honestly, I believe that Christians ought to be the most lighthearted, carefree, and happy bunch of people on this planet. And I really think that this is what God wants for us.

Think about it. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. Do you know why? See if you can’t picture this. A husband loves his wife dearly. The wife, however, has struggled with insecurity all her life. She finds it immensely difficult to believe that anyone, even her own husband, could love her as much as he says he does, given the things she has believed about herself her entire life. She believes she is stupid, fat, and ugly, and that no one really loves her; they just feel bad for her. Her husband, who really does love her with all of his heart, knows these things aren’t true, and he tells her so all the time. He tells her of his unconditional love for her, but she cannot help but believe that he is only trying to make her feel better about herself. The man does everything he can to convince her of his love, but she refuses to believe him. He wants nothing more than her happiness, and he knows that she would really be happy if she would but believe him, but she simply cannot. Convinced that she is unlovable, she continues to do everything she can to impress him, as if to earn his love. They both continue to live frustrated.

This scenario describes almost perfectly the relationship that the typical Christian has with Jesus. He tells us in the Bible that absolutely nothing can separate us from His love, which He gladly extends to us in spite of our sins. That alone should cause us to leap for joy, and to lead perpetually joyful lives. But, for some reason, it does not. I submit to you that it is because we do not really believe Him. We are always so focused on ourselves, so concerned with our inadequacies, so caught up in our sins that we consider it unbelievable that God could possibly love us unconditionally in spite of them. We therefore subconsciously determine that we must strive to earn His love, an endeavor which will always leave the Christian weary and frustrated. What’s worse, it frustrates God even more. God finds no greater pleasure than in loving His children. But if we refuse to accept His love, we inhibit Him from doing what He loves to do most, and we find ourselves unhappy and believing lies about ourselves. When we refuse to believe that God loves us as much as He says He does, we frustrate Him and we frustrate ourselves. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. And without faith, it is impossible to live a joyful life.

Imagine the wonderful life one could live if he would but truly believe that God loves him unconditionally. He would be wholly carefree, certain that no matter what, his Father in heaven would take care of him. He would never fear that he might not have enough money or enough food or enough clothing; he would never doubt that God has all of these things in plenty, and that He is eager to share them with His children. He would be absolutely certain of his standing before God; he would never fear judgement for an instant, knowing that his Father had already atoned for his sins, and that they were now forgiven and forgotten completely. He would be utterly convinced that, no matter how distasteful his circumstances were, God would work them all out for his good. He would be an incredibly happy man. As a result, his whole attitude toward life would be changed. Good works would suddenly cease to be a duty and a chore; they would be nothing less than the natural product of a heart that’s overflowing with joy. Loving others unconditionally would be his favorite thing to do; the happiness of those around him would be his priority. He would be slow to anger and eager to forgive. He would be patient and kind. His mind would be so occupied with the joy of knowing his Father that there would be no room in his life for unhappiness. He would absolutely love his life, and God would be pleased. I truly believe that this is the kind of life that God wants His children to live.

So what’s stopping us? First, we must learn to be honest with ourselves and with God. We must acknowledge all our sins and our shortcomings, put away the mask of self-righteousness that we wear, and accept that God loves us in spite of all those things. Once we do that, it logically follows that we must love others unconditionally, just as God has loved us, or we make ourselves out to be greater than God. Finally, we must believe with absolute certainty that every word God has spoken is true. Do we really believe that if we seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, He will meet all of our needs? Do we really believe that Jesus’ sacrifice on Calvary has made us clean before God? Or do we try to earn His love? Do we really believe that God loves us wholly, passionately, and unconditionally? It’s easy to say we believe those things, but do we behave as though we believe that they’re true? After all, faith without works is dead. And without faith, it is impossible to please God.

I urge you, dear Christian, to get on your knees right now and pray that God would change you into the man or woman that He wants you to be. Pray that He would enable you to live a life that’s pleasing to Him, a life that will make you truly happy, a life that’s characterized by faith in Him. I can assure you that these are one and the same thing. Pray that He would deepen your understanding of the love that He has for you, and that you would learn to just accept it with the faith of a child.